I recently met with a practice manager of a medium sized OB/GYN practice in New Jersey. I thought from the start, that we would have a common ground on which to launch our new professional relationship. I am an Irish Catholic - she was an Irish Catholic, I'm a middle aged female - she was a middle aged female - we're both professionals working with new moms and dads. The new moms are usually so tender and emotional, whereas the new dads are tired, scared and in some cases - want to jump ship. They are scared - this is a natural reaction to an unknown responsibility - if they aren't scared - I would think that maybe they weren't putting enough thought into what is about to be their new life.
Great start for a sales call, I can draw on our similar background to develop a rapport and ease into becoming her number one referral source for DNA Testing in New Jersey.
I've never been so wrong in my life. I feel like Taylor Swift, writing songs about all the wrong people in my life - but I feel stronger about misguided women in professional careers working with new moms and new dads - and who are unable to separate their own beliefs and offer proper care to new moms and dads, A new dad, asking for a private,paternity tests - has no religious or morale implications. He has a doubt. A young woman who agrees to undergo a private paternity test - probably has nothing to worry about but will be relieved when the new dad's doubts are removed by a simple piece of paper.
If the combination of these two events, then provides a solid, foundation on which a child's life in this world begins, then who am I, or anyone else on this earth to judge the reasons or needs of such families. I applaud the young men and women who come forth and partipate in a paternity test - rather than hide in a shadow of fear and doubt. Everyone remember when you were a child and there was some stress in your house - whether it was parents arguing, sisters and brothers misbehaving - everyone in the house was impacted by the stress. I remember John Gray talking about a hanging "mobile", when one part of the "mobile" is moving - all parts are moving. I thought it was a great analogy of the relationships in a family.
I cheerfully entered the small conference room to have a quick meeting with this OB/GYN practice manager. I explained how we work directly with the new moms and "doubting dads" (as I like to call them) to get a Paternity Test done as quickly as possible. Most hospitals offer 10 days to have the right names placed on the Child's Birth Certificate - that is in the case of single moms. If a child is born to a married couple, the state automatically assumes that the child is a product of that marriage and husband and wife's name are placed on birth certificate as biological parents. However, in the case of a child born to a single mom, a man has to sign paperwork in the hospital to acknowledge paternity. If he signs, and then later finds out he is not the father - how devasting for him and his extended family (remember the mobile analogy - more than one person gets impacted by the actions of others in the family).
Maybe my upbringing taught me differently about this subject, maybe not - but it is my responsbility to provide a comforting atmosphere to anyone asking me for a DNA test to confirm any type of biological relationship - whether it is a paternity test, a maternity test, a silbingship test or a grand paternity test. How emotionally charged is this situation - as a professional, offering private DNA tests, I personally I feel I have to offer a comforting atmosphere, I leave paperwork around my office regarding PPD, and other "new family" issues - I don't have great big, JUGDEMENTS emanating from my background slamming these new youngs moms with a GREAT BIG "A" - or anything else.
For anyone working with new, young moms and their extended families, I offer these key points:
- Understand why religio-cultural competence is an essential skill for health care professionals
- Identify common obstacles to communicating with patients about religious beliefs that affect compliance and care
- Recognize how providers’ own religious and cultural backgrounds impact interactions
- Identify the 15 themes where religious beliefs affect patient care
- Learn techniques for effective communication around patient religious beliefs and practices
I sometimes wish my own doctors would understand my cultural background and my reluctance in some cases to follow their instructions.
Separate your own life from that of your patients and in my case, your local vendors who offer reliable, accurate DNA Testing for a family who willingly wants to participate. Include us in your "new family" packages, so that the family can make their own decision on the subject - perhaps culturally they are shy about asking for a paternity test, and that doubt will erode any attempt to bond with the new baby.