Do you think your spouse is cheating? Do you think your other half is searching outside your hemisphere? Think twice about cheating on your spouse because today's better half has access to infidelity tests that will blow your mind.
Submit an article of clothing that should not have any other male DNA or any other female DNA on it and we'll confirm for you - how many DNA profiles are present on that article and if they belong to you or your spouse - or someone else.......
The most commonly submitted item is, of course, the Pink Panty. Do women who wear Pink Panties always cheat? Or do the men who date them just get paranoid? No, but the most commonly item submitted in the last year was a certain secret brand of lady's lacy pink panty. From a clinical perspective, these pink panties don't look very healthy - they seem to create a humid environment which only breeds disease.
Here are some top tips from local sites about signs of infidelity and accompanying these tips are also some very basic common sense thoughts. Most of the top tips about signs of infidelity don't seem to have changed since the days of MadMen - except of course those related to internet use and prescriptions for ED. If you are one of the relationships who have suffered through internet cheating - fear not, you are not alone.
- Your partner seems to lose interest in you and lacks affection - but have you made an effort to keep yourself interesting and attractive - this goes for both sexes and both sides of the partner equation. If you don't shave, take showers, brush your teeth and wear clean clothes - don't expect the lady in your life to take a shine to your new personal habits. Likewise ladies - put on a little make up and get rid of that "I'm too tired to... housewife routine" - there's too many available fishes in the sea. We don't live on farms anymore.
- You notice your partner has become lazy around the house - "has become" or have you just "lost patience" with being the major "go to" person in the house for cleaning, cooking, shopping and dog walking/cat litter jobs. Think back, didn't you always just do it - because you do it better?
- Work habits suddenly change (longer hours, unexplained trips) - OK this one is tricky but old - longer hours - could also mean cut backs at work and more work is expected of less people - pop in on him/her and bring in a snack - don't be intrusive and don't stay too long
- Becomes overly conscious of his appearance - also a very old sign of infidelity and probably one of the best indicators
- Unusual charges found on credit-card statements - if you are in the type of relationship wherein you have to inspect each other's credit card bills - you need professional help anyway - find a PI to follow your partner. Just in case the love of my life is reading my pearls of wisdom - any charges for jewelry in the next weeks better appear under my Christmas Tree.
- Unfamiliar calls of a long duration on cell bill - really, who has the time to inspect those 8 page cell phone bills but just in case - you can always do a "reverse phone look up" and find out who owns the "unfamiliar" phone number. Don't pay anything over $20 per look up - you won't get any additional information worth knowing.
- Spends an unusual amount of time on the Internet (especially while you are sleeping) - is he/she looking for a new job? Is it their job to know what is going on in markets other than those in your time zone? Are they shopping for your next anniversary gift or the best grass fertilizer in town? Are t hey googling the streets of the town where they were born?
- Starts using a new e-mail account - how would you know?
- Begins deleting web-browsing history - OK this one I would check - why delete the history of web-browsing - don't they automatically delete after a certain period of time and/or when the amount exceeds the space allowed for history lists?
- Mileage on car is higher than it should be - only if you know for years that your spouse uses only one route from point a to point b - otherwise, traffic, mcdonald's, starbucks, detours (in our shovel ready society) may all lead to false assumptions;
- Your partner frequently inquires about your schedule - no comment
- Carrying more cash around than usual - no comment
- Buys Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis - no comment
- You receive a sexually transmitted disease - too late
Infidelity is not a laughing matter and I don't mean to be flippant. Spending time and energy trying to determine if someone is cheating is a waste of your life. If he/she is cheating - most probably you have no control over the individual and even confronting them will not stop the behavior. Getting conclusive results from a local DNA collector may allow you to move on faster than if you continue to wonder, snoop, investigate or battle on your own.