Give the Pig a Percocet

Says Caroline Manzo of NJ Housewives infamy as they tour a pig slaughter house in Italy.  I have to admit I'm behind on my Housewives shows and have only recently seen the fun filled trip to Italy and then the hormone filled finale on BravoTV with Andyboy Bacala.  I can't help think - which "pig" was Caroline talking about.  It seems that Theresa needs a percocet as much as any pig about to be slaughtered.  Four girls under the age of 12, a husband that spends money like a drunken sailor and has the mood swings to match, the real or unreal fact that her house is in foreclosure her belongings are up for auction and she still has time to write a book about Skinny Italian food.  Her outbursts on the finale - most probably hormoned or stress fueled - were a disgraceful display of a bully and nothing more.  How proud she will be in the future when she sees her daughters mimicking her behavior.  Wait for it Theresa because it is coming.  If I were Danielle Staub, I would not have felt safe without Theresa in cuffs.    Danielle is troubled and should be left to lick her wounds and clean up her mess ( her life). 

Jackie is simple and sweet and blends in when she needs to but there's just something about her passed that is missing...  I forget the Zen housewife's name but it appears she got out of the limelight before any garbage could be put on the table about her - that leaves me wondering it must have been good garbage but at least she had the brains to remove herself and her daughter from the slaughter.

I only caught interest in the show recently, when I heard yet another housewife was in search of her biological roots - didn't we go through this on Housewives of Atlanta with Nene, and Housewives of D.C. as well.  Is this the only way, the housewife can gain recognition a.k.a. "airtime" on the show by putting her tearful search for family on the air?  How many biological moms or dads really want to be connected to anyone on these shows?   I have to give these women credit for getting so far (financially) in life, while not knowing the very core of themselves - who they are and where did they come from?  I cannot imagine a life without the very foundation of "I am a insert religion" and "I am of insert descent" - from there almost everything in my life was defined until the age of 18.  Not knowing who your biological mother or biological father has to define your life is so many ways, I cannot imagine.  Thank God for the ease of use of DNA tests today. 

To all the housewives in NJ, Atlanta, DC and wherever - you can do DNA testing on almost any family member and we can determine if there is a biological relationship. So while you may not find your biological mother or father - if you find their biological children or biological sisters or biological brothers - call me and I'll explain what type of DNA test can be done to define if there was a genetic relationship.

Back to the housewives and Andy - wow - he really likes to stir the pot with the women and he has no boundaries or mercy when pushing for answers to questions.  How does it feel to humilate these women?  Is that like a gay thing?  Does it make you feel better about yourself?  Since Theresa, Jackie, Kim and Daniel have all had some kind of PS - why doesn't Caroline just opt for some fat sucking surgery and stop worrying about diet and exercise?  She can then eat only the Skinny Italian food in Theresa's book.  Danielle, your a hot mess, as one of my favorite new talk show hosts likes to say and I agree.  Leave your children to be children - don't involve them in your "grown up" issues. Find some adult friends whom you can trust - I don't think Wayne, NJ should be your hunting grounds for friends.   Kim G or D - the old one with the new face and teeth - come on - using your boy to get a lunch with Caroline - you are a pathetic, lonely old woman.  Do you really want your best day depicted as screaming from the steps of a restaurant in New Joisey while Danielle scurries down the steps to a waiting car - your giving them what they ask for but what are you going to get in return?  Does your son come home and say "Ma, that was great - do it again we didn't hear you say the "f" word enough".  Caroline - trying your hardest to be the matriach of the family and the one to set things straight - it didn't work because you were not sincere.  What is it about Danielle that stings everyone so much?

By the way Andy, you said something about the Housewives of NJ putting NJ on the map - I think that it was the Soprano's that put NJ on the map first.  Although I'm not Italian I don't think either show - Sopranos, Housewives, or Jersey shore does anything for the image of New Jersey or that of Italians.  

I think a new show should be "Real Ladies of" and instead of these back stabbing, jealous, catty, foul mouthed, souless women who value big boobs, big hair, big white teeth (Ok I'd like to have a big white toothed smile but that comes from my own mother's preoccupation with dental health) and continue to set poor examples for the new generation - let's bring back the idea of being a lady.  You probably won't find them in Wayne, NJ.  When was the last time you complimented someone for their kind behaviour instead of their Jimmy Choo's.    By the way, after that great big ostentatious Christening for Theresa's new baby - has Theresa been back to church yet?  Has any of the clan of Housewives of NJ been back to church? 

Having said all this - it's great to see other people's lives are such a mess and so wrapped up in garbage.  Makes my life seem like a breeze.