For Men

So you think your girlfriend is pregnant or you received a call from a girl that you met briefly a few months ago or your ex-wife says she pregnant and it is yours, she thinks.  Here are some things to think about before you take any action:

Positive Steps to Take Today

1) Listen to the young woman and understand that she had the courage to call you with this information and needs to hear your support, regardless of your initial thoughts. The situation involves more than just you.

2) Stay Calm. She may be carrying the baby, but you are both responsible for the care and support of the child now.  Regardless of your relationship with the mother, now and in the future, every baby needs to have both parents in his/her life. 

3) Talk about it - not only with each other, but talk with parents, counselors, doctors, spiritual advisors, siblings and others close to the situation. Hiding the news from people who can genuinely help you only increases your stress.  Think of what your life would be like if you didn't have both of your parents or what your life would have been if you had both parents present.  Providing a child with confirmation of both biological parents helps to build a foundation for self esteem.  

4) Gather all the facts. Today, your local DNA collector can offer Pre-Natal Paternity Tests.  An OB/GYN will need to explain the risks associated with Amniocentesis or CVS sampling, but from these two Pre-Natal Genetic testing, we can provide Paternity results in as fast as 5 business days.  The pregnancy has to be at least 9 weeks along.  Get all the information and seek wise counsel so you can make the best decision for both of you and for the unborn child.  If you are able to wait, a regular Paternity Test can be done as quickly as the day of birth. 

5) Express yourself honestly - depending on the situation, it is very normal to have feelings of fear, anger, betrayal, and mistrust.

Negative Actions that will Affect Your Life in Future

1) Don't bail. The more you run from this, the harder it becomes to think and act clearly.  The State can mandate that you participant in a DNA test but wouldn't it be better if you took the action first and kept your DNA out of the State system.  If the pregnant woman says you are the father, and you have any doubts, a simple, non invasive DNA test confirms Paternity or not.  If you ask her to have a PreNatal Paternity test, be sure you are both aware of the risks to both mother and baby.  If the mother plans on having the baby regardless of whether you will support her in this decision, you can have a regular Paternity Test performed any time after the baby is born.   To be fair to the child, have the DNA test done as quickly as possible after birth, thus eliminating unnecessary stress and allowing you and your family members to begin bonding with the baby.    

2) Don't pressure her. Applying pressure will only push her away, possibly into a regretful situation. You will do well to work together as a team - it is a practice for when you are both parenting.  It is time to "man up", you took the action and now you need to take responsibility for your actions.  Family members are a tried and true source of support, but failing that, the State provides many services for new moms and dads, including parenting skill classes, employment training, food stamps, housing assistance.  Everyone is behind you in creating a good life for your new baby.

3) Don't forget. You have a very active role in this situation. Listen to input from people who have experience and have your best interest at heart.  Give your thoughts and fears about the situation a voice.  Talk to other men with similar experience.